I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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