The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize