All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
