omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
