they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
We need a shit load of segways right now
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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