I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
