Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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