good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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