Me. At least after what I've been through.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
