dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
