I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
