Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
