duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
