someone threw a dead crab at me
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
