Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
