My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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