i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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