i wish starbucks made bloody marys
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
