I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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