we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
She bit a glass in half.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome