Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.