She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
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and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
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if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.