i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
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Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
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I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.