so that wasnt chicken after all
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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