Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
