You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Plan B is the new Plan A
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
