Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
