I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
