i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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