Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
