bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
the day after is always just damage control
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
