I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
