Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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