plz talk dirty to me
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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