Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
