Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
