The panties match.
I'll be right there.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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