I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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