I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
