Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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