Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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