is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
