Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
