I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
