Ambien. No doubt about it.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
