so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
