The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Randomize
