I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Randomize
