You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
