this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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