You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
