i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
