I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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