This girl is more easily done than said...
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
