Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
