Me. At least after what I've been through.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
