Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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