Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize