I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
