We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
