From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
