oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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