I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
