dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Are my feet made of real feet?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Randomize
