i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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