also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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