i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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