Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
