seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
