she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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