It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
