From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
