can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I think my fart just growled at me.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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