Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
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