I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
How's work?
Spinning.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
