After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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