I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
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